The Tans

Please allow me to work through something, here…

One might think, as “Living in Joy” is my mantra and my focus, that I never feel anything but delight at all times. Not true. In fact, today, I am feeling quite plain. Nothing is really wrong, but nothing feels particularly right, either. I have no complaints, per se, though I suppose I could drum some up, if I were so inclined. I am not so inclined, mostly because I know that finding fault and acknowledging random complaints is a slippery practice. It’s very easy to slide into a habit of identifying only problems, or blaming others, or deciding that there is something very wrong with me or my life, in general.

Still, I do have a habit of taking inventory during these moments of unexplained indifference. Is my joy still there, under the surface, pulsating like some electrical current to which I am not currently, for whatever reason, connected? Well, of course. I have faith that it is, even though my feelings of lackluster are what are on the surface at the moment. Have I made some choice that is distancing me from my joy?  Am I just tired? Or am I (the most fabulous and all-encompassing of female reasons for mood changes) hormonal? Have I not taken the time to renew my spirit, lately? Or am I eating poorly? If any of these ideas felt true, I would set about fixing the problem with a different choice, a nap, a walk in the park... but no. None of these things seem like the right explanation for today’s blasé.  

Still, I know that feelings are our signposts and catalysts. We feel angry at injustice, which moves us to action. We feel exhausted after too many stressors have not been handled, which prompts us to rest and regroup. We feel sadness at loss, which inspires us to reach out to find and give love. Feelings are our barometer, and if we acknowledge them and the message they bring, we can allow them to move us to remain true to our own intuition, emotions and convictions. What, then, is the message neutral brings? Not sadness, depression, misery, boredom, numbness, or the blues. More like “the tans.” Lukewarm. Just plain. What particular signpost is this? Exactly what action do “the tans” inspire?

What is tan? My walls and carpet are tan, and they look good with every color. Sugar cookies are tan, which makes them the perfect canvas for icings and sprinkles. The beach is tan, and it makes it easier to see bright shells or colored glass when it washes to shore. Is that it? Do the tans just make room for the color that is to come? Perhaps this is me clearing the slate in preparation for great things. Hm. Yes! That feels right. I have known for awhile that things were changing in my life. More travel, more seminar work, and a different picture for my full time nursing career are all on the horizon. A day or two of the tans are probably not so much a catalyst for action as they are providing a contrast for what is to come.

Ah. That feels better. I can live with that. And I hope the next time you are feeling just plain that you can look ahead and see that you are providing yourself the perfect canvas on which to scatter your next sparkles of color. I’ll be patient if you will, but I can barely wait to see what color is coming!

 Living in Joy Challenge: Recognize that Living in Joy does not guarantee constant feelings of happiness. In fact, it only provides a foundation for you to have the strength and courage to live through all of your emotions, good, bad, and “tan.”  If you have any coping strategies for getting through “the tans,” since they seem to require that we just patiently wait for color to return, please do share!