![]() Have you ever invited someone into your home, and discovered as you met them at the door and brought them inside that you were suddenly seeing your home through their eyes? Have you been two steps ahead, picking up a blanket that was crumpled at the back of the sofa, or stacking mail and placing it in a drawer, for example? These things don’t bother you. You live with them. You barely notice them. But when you see them, suddenly, through the eyes of someone who may be taking it all in for the first time, you really see them. And you think, in a split second, “This isn’t as good as it could be. Let me make some adjustments.” This just happened to me with someone who came to visit me after 30 years. Only it wasn’t my actual house I felt compelled to get in order, it was my proverbial house. This well-meaning friend asked me the simplest question of all: what do you do for fun? I had no answer. I love to enjoy the company of my friends at parties or over a glass of wine, and I appreciate feeling challenged at work, but what, praytell, do I do, exactly, for fun? I suppose what I find most interesting about this is the fact that I have been doing research and setting goals and working my own Living in Joy plan for awhile now. I’m in touch with Joy, per se, meaning that “all is well,” undercurrent that allows me to enjoy every experience for what it is, comfortable and uncomfortable, alike. It took awhile to get there, and I’m glad to report not only that I do, indeed, live in Joy, but that I am also delighted to be able to share that learning with anyone who is interested. But what about fun? One good thing about my Living in Joy work is that I have already answered the very difficult question, “What would you do, if you could do anything at all.” As it turns out, that puts me ahead of the game. I went back to my original answers to that very important question and found my list. I want to swim with dolphins. I want to write and travel and speak. I want to play guitar and be able to sing along. I want to find and enjoy all of that with the Love of My Lifetime, whoever he turns out to be… and lots of other“fun things.” I had forgotten those goals, in favor of learning my new management job. I had done exactly what I coach against… “Don’t give up on your dreams, while you make a living.” As soon as I realized that I had been operating on auto-pilot, I almost immediately felt my slump of the last year dissipate. I had things to do and things to look forward to doing. I have a mission, and that is not only to live in touch with Joy, but to have fun, too! Carolyn Myss suggests that our SoulMates aren’t the loves of our lifetime, necessarily, but rather, are the transient souls who drop in for a moment to give us the wake-up calls we need along the way. If that’s the case, then this friend from my past is, if not the Love of My Life, one of my SoulMates. Thank you for reminding me to have fun. Thank you for motivating me to continue pursuing the things I most want to experience in this lifetime. Thank you for helping me see the dust on the shelves and the clutter on the counter. Because my little corner of the world isn’t as good as it could be, it’s time to make some adjustments. So, how about it, everyone? What do you do for fun?
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![]() There was a Facebook Quiz, today, on my MSN homepage: “It’s nearly Spring. What’s your favorite part of this time of year?" A. The change to warmer (hopefully drier) weather B. Seasonal foods like asparagus, peas and morels C. The colorful fashion updates Is anyone shocked that choice “A” won out by 84%? I think we all know how much the weather influences our moods and how we feel, physically. What we may not know is why. You may already know that vitamin D supports bone strength, but did you know it’s also critical to building and maintaining the neurotransmitters in our brains, as well as supporting immune function? Sunshine helps our bodies make vitamin D and a lack of sunshine may contribute to a shortage. We also get a surge of endorphins (the “feel good” hormones), just by being in natural settings, and in the winter, we’re not out in nature nearly as much as we’re likely to be in friendlier months. Without that nature boost, we may experience fewer “feel good” hormone surges. Lastly, because the weather doesn’t allow for as much physical activity and shorter days promote more lethargy (triggering a hibernation response), our bodies can lose energy and our moods can follow suit. What do we do about something over which we have absolutely no control having such a tremendous influence on the level of joy we may be able to access at any given time? Answer: We find other ways to feed ourselves the Vitamin D, release the endorphins, and maintain stable temperatures and comfort. Here are my top 3 suggestions: 1. Get your Vitamin D! Although there’s some controversy about whether or not tanning beds are a good option for this, they aren’t. They are now listed as a carcinogen in the same category as cigarettes! 400-1000 IU are recommended daily allowances, and in the winter, you should move toward the higher side of supplementation. Canned tuna or salmon have anywhere from 200-800 IU so try to incorporate those into your diet. Not sure what you can stand to eat in the canned salmon category? Try recipes from the experts: http://www.alaskaseafood.org/canned/recipes/appetizer.html Another option? Swap your non-fat latte for a vanilla soy misto and save on calories while upping your intake by at least 50 IU per drink. 2. Keep indoor plants and pictures of nature at the ready. Research shows that the brain responds to only seeing pictures of the sun, the beach, trees, and flowers, in the very same way it responds to taking a walk through the real thing. In addition, cut flowers are available all year, and a small bouquet by your bed table has been shown to help you get up on the right side of the bed. Fill your house with these visuals and take a minute to enjoy them. (Get Art Here) 3. Let there be light. When sufferers of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a depressive disorder triggered by dreary days and a lack of summer light, relief can be found with some simple home solutions. Don’t be a scrooge about turning on your lights; use full spectrum light bulbs, too, at least in the rooms you spend the most time; keep your rooms bright when you are awake, and dark when you sleep. Keep windows uncovered; eat tryptophan rich foods which are not as likely to add to your middle as, say, the donut you are craving. Turkey, bullion, and whole grains are good options; exercise daily, even if it’s just a walk on the treadmill. If you haven’t yet discovered Planet Fitness, at $10/month with no contract, it’s the perfect commitment to make to yourself and enhancing own best mood. Take heart. Summer is coming, days are getting longer, spring bulbs are sprouting. Get yourself ready to peel off those winter layers and become active, again. Hibernation season is over, regardless of what color the sky is today. Enjoy yourself, wherever you are, as you see the world, and yourself, come alive again! ![]() I have given-up drive-thru food. Although I expect a relapse, anytime, I have avoided eating food that comes in a fast food sack for almost 6 weeks, now. I have not, however, given up on the one dollar, large, unsweetened tea that McDonald’s so proudly serves. Last Wednesday morning, I went through the drive through before work and was so stunned by the greeting I received from the young man who handed me my drink that I had to pull over, park the car and go in to find the manager. When the manager approached me, I could tell she was nervous. She smiled politely and asked if she could help me, to which I replied, “Yes, please. Do you see that young man at the drive through window?” I asked her, pointing in that direction. She nodded. “Do you know what he said to me?” “No, ma’am.” She was quiet and cautious, waiting to hear what I said and bracing for the worst. “He said, ‘Thank you for choosing McDonald’s. I hope you have a wonderful day. And please, drive safely.” I smiled. The manager smiled, too, but a little warily. I continued, “I’ve been going through drive-thrus for about 25 years, now, and I have to say, I have never been greeted so sincerely. I wanted you to know that he’s doing a great job, and you are doing a great job. Thank you so much. He made my day.” And she smiled bigger. Later, I was told by another patron who followed me out of the restaurant, she gave that employee a big “High 5,”and they smiled and laughed, together. I am not naïve. I know that employees are coached to say, “Please,”and “Thank you,” and “Have a nice day.” I even know that some employees like to put their own spin on it, and say, “Have a great day,” or “Have an incredible day,” in an effort to help people hear the greeting, instead of allowing it to be just another bit of polite noise we exchange with each other. But I have never been told to drive safely, and certainly not with the full eye contact and smile that conveyed such earnest well-wishes. How simple. How impactful. I don’t know what the rest of the day was like for that employee or for that manager. I do know that the rest of my day was spent happy. I was happy that someone cared about their job. I was happy that someone cared about the customer. I was happy that someone cared about, and seemed proud of, her employees and her own effect on the team. The entire exchange inspired me. Through some form of psychological transference, I then saw my own team as people who cared about their jobs and their customers, and who were proud of themselves and their effect on the team. I am sure that my renewed outlook allowed me to talk to them with more care and enthusiasm than I have on other days before. You never know exactly who might set an example for you, or what small thing you might do, today, to set an example for someone else. When I think about that simple exchange, and how great an impact it had on me and, therefore, the people with whom I interacted that day, I realize just how powerful our human connection can be. I hope to remember this example for a long time, and continue to pattern myself after that young man who handed me a glass of tea through a drive-thru window. ![]() There was an old joke that asked: what are top three ways to pass information to others? Answer: Telephone, Television, and Tell a woman. Now, I think that punch line would have to be: IPad, IPhone, and IPosted it on Facebook. In some ways, social media with all of the constant updating annoys me. It seems almost ridiculous that we post less than news-worthy information as freely as we do, as if we are certain that the world is so amazed with us that everyone deserves to know whether we ate traditional Cheerios this morning or Honey Nut. What is this craving we have to be known? We want people to see our pictures, to know that we are shopping at Target, to read what we are thinking. In some ways, this blog is a testament to that, as well. After all, apparently I imagine, possibly as some subtle sign of my own arrogance, that people may just want to hear my thoughts on subjects like red shoes, love, and… well… social media. Perhaps, though, this tweeting and updating is more of a reflection of our mobility than of our arrogance or curiosity. In years past, when families rarely ventured out of their home towns, it may have been easier to keep track of one another. We saw each other, I imagine, at the drug stores or walking downtown. We probably passed one another on sidewalks where we said things like, “I just had the best spaghetti at Sally’s mom’s diner. Did you know they had spaghetti there?” There was something friendly, I suppose, about sharing the non-earth-shattering details like, “Jody fell from the swing, so I’m here to buy some mercurochrome.” After all, everyone can spout the headlines, but only the most trusted and intimate of our friends know the nitty-gritty happenings of our daily lives.For the 21st century, social media is our way of maintaining some of what Mayberry had to offer. We can gossip, share our thoughts, ideas, fears and situations in a way we might have shared with our druggist, our barber, our filling station attendant in previous decades. Since we aren’t as likely to pass our friends on the sidewalk anymore, we can substitute the posting of our little one-liners to pass information through our profile pages. We may have become busier and more removed from others, but clearly, we’re not willing to live without some way to tell someone a funny joke we just heard. It’s important to feel connected, to think that someone cares what made us happy today (which they can “Like,” if it makes them happy, too) or watch as a quote we thought was interesting spurs conversations between our friends who live hundreds of miles apart. We can move out of our parent’s homes, out of the towns of our childhoods, across or completely out of the country. Still, thanks to social media, no matter how mobile we have become, we can feel connected to the people in our community by sharing those little, day-in-the-life details that only friends care to hear. I guess when I think of it like passing a neighbor on the street and saying, “Hi! I’m headed to the grocery. Do you know if peaches are on sale?” I don’t mind all the Tweeting one bit. In fact, it makes the world seem a little more like a small town and just a little friendlier. So, if you’ll please excuse me, I think I’ll go update my status. And while I’m at it, I’ll look for yours and hope it reveals that you are having a joy- filled day! ![]() Lately, between a few vacation days, a holiday and my generalized lack of inspiration, I have not been writing at all. I suppose you may not have missed my “weekly” blog, but in case you did, let me just say that I took a break. Now that the nation is looking at another mass killing, however, I thought I might just weigh-in, because talking (or in my case, writing) is one of the most efficient ways for me to process information. My questions are probably common ones… What kind of a person opens fire in a movie theater? What did he hope to accomplish? How will families heal from this? How will those who suffered wounds best recover not only from the physical wounds, but also from the emotional trauma? How will they cope with, maybe, never knowing why this happened at all? That’s the issue: coping. It seems that one of the natural consequences of being human is that we must continually cope. We cope with the stresses of our jobs, of our family obligations, of financial pressures. We cope with losses, and heartbreak, and questions which will never have an answer. It really doesn’t matter what side of the fence we are on… whether we are close to a situation like this shooting or far removed, just the fact that it happened throws something else onto our proverbial Coping Plate. When we are faced with shocking information, something that throws us off the train, so to speak, from our regular patterns of thought, we cannot just continue on our normal route. Something is forever changed. Sorting through that change takes time, and talking, and the support of other people who care. People of Aurora, CO, please know that we all care. We, like you, are asking questions, trying to make some sense of this. Perhaps, as I do when I am thrown off track, you may find that you need a sabbatical… a break from the news stories, a break from the retrospection, a break from feeling sadness, or survivor’s guilt (get information here), or fear for the state of man. I hope you will give yourselves the opportunity to heal from this gaping wound. I hope you will look for resources. I hope you will journal, rest, work, and grieve your way through this, however you must. And when you feel the weight of your sadness might be too much to bear, please talk. As the wise Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once said, “Well it has been said that there is no grief like the grief which does not speak.” You must talk about this. And we will. And together, we will find our own tracks, again. ![]() I am sitting here with a tube that goes into my nostril and down the back of my throat. It’s not great. It’s not as horrible as it sounds, but it’s not great. Nonetheless, I am only suffering this for 24 hours, in the name of science. A research project in which I volunteered to participate is going to be checking my acid levels all night. I know that research finds ways to help most people, most of the time, in most average circumstances, so I never mind participating in studies. I also know that almost no situation is average, and “most” means, by definition, that some are left out. Sometimes, this lack of consideration for the some who are left out gets so frustrating to me that I spout out things like, “Numbers lie!” and “Live by the people in front of you, not by the research you’ve read in some book!” as if I give no credence whatsoever to research findings. I do, of course, as evidenced by the fact that I’m willing to have a tube up my nose for 24 hours, but I also believe that once you’ve determined through research what to most often expect, you should still expect anything at all. I could say the same thing about living your dreams. Sometimes we get so stuck in what “usually” happens, or what “has happened 1000 times before,” or what we’ve seen happen to everyone else, that we stop imagining what our own, most joyful life could be. Or, we’re so concerned about the side-effects that have been proven “might” befall us that we resist the impetus to move. If we stop looking at our lives as much like researchers and start looking at our lives more like discoverers, joy will naturally follow. The difference? Researchers start with a premise, something they believe to be true based on what they already know… “I know that I cannot fly.” Then they set about to prove it, by dropping things that do not fly and saying, “I have the evidence that flight is impossible. All the times I tried, nothing flew.” Discoverers start with a dream… “I would love to fly.” Then they set about brainstorming methods, and imagining and studying things that do fly, and making models, and learning as they go about what not to do, and one day they announce, “Look! I’ve discovered a way for man to fly!” It’s an important distinction. And in our lives, it’s important for us to know what we’ve set out to prove versus what we’ve set out to discover, if we are to live joyfully. Are you proving that your job is horrible, by recounting everything that is difficult or every person you dislike? Or are you discovering all of the incredible ways you get to contribute and experience yourself… as compassionate, team-spirited, creative, or whatever… Are you proving that the economy is bad, by focusing on what you’ve lost or are losing? Or are you discovering exciting ways to enjoy your life with less money… enjoying your inner-chef by cooking at home, marveling at your own discipline in paying off your smallest credit card balance… I don’t actually know if the scientist who required this tube to be placed in a subject’s nose is researching (“… I already believe healthy people have this much acid production, now I need to prove it…”) or if he is discovering (“… I dream to find a cure for acid reflux, and to do that, I am studying acid…”). I hope it’s the latter. And I hope that you and I will always start with the dream of what can be, instead of the premise of whatever evidence we see around us, and joyfully set about discovering that dream. ![]() Today I went to a body shop to get an estimate to have my car repainted. I thought it was a random idea… something I’d been thinking of doing for a year and just happened to do today. I’m wondering now, however, if it wasn’t something more… something cosmically connected to this anniversary on which we celebrate our fathers. You see, the moment I walked into that shop, the “shop smells,” like the smell of oil and solvents and dust and whatever else makes a garage smell like a garage, filled my nose and reminded me of being a child… and reminded me of my dad. My dad raced motocross when I was a little girl. On Saturdays, dad would practice. On Sundays he would race. He was very good! Although I didn’t fully understand the concept of endorsements at my early age of five or six years old, for several years in a row, my dad would come home with a brand new bike with all the matching gear. I especially remember the Bultaco year, because I knew what bulls were, and I knew what tacos were, and that bike was my favorite, if for no other reason than because I could relate. I liked watching my dad race. And I liked hanging around while he chatted with his buddies after the race, complaining about the guy who was“squirrelly” in the second heat or the wash-out under the third jump. I’m amazed at how much, having always been a bit prissy and hateful of all things dirty, I loved being at the races. There, I felt cool... like I was part of a world of winners. On Thursday nights, though, dad wrenched on his bike in whatever garage he found, getting it ready for the weekend. In the middle of those greasy rags and ratchets clicking bolts tighter, I wasn’t only part of a world of winners, I was part of the grease-monkey crowd… the workers... the ones that made the winning possible. That is the place I visited today when I stepped into the garage, not just the one from 2012 where I went to get an estimate, but also the one from 1973: where dad was 28 years old and laughing, studying his bike, sometimes cussing; where the sound of the revving motorcycles in the garage was almost deafening, and exhilarating, too; and where the cloud of blue smoke in the room hurt my eyes. Today, I was reminded of winning, of the feeling of knowing winning is possible, and of appreciating all of the work it takes to win. Research unsurprisingly shows what we already know from experience: scents originally associated with various experiences will produce intense memories of those experiences, when present at a later time. With that level of recall possible, (not just a memory... more visceral than that), it makes me wonder if we shouldn’t be using smells more intentionally. Oh, sure. I light a candle, because it smells good, or because I want to create an“atmosphere,” but what if I selected scents that actually reminded me of life-lessons, or gave me that extreme sense of knowing, or almost physically hurled me back to the time when I felt my most secure and certain? For me, it wouldn’t be Lavender, or Vanilla, or Eucalyptus, though each of those is a perfectly fine smell. It would be Beef Stroganoff on the Stove, and Mom’s Hair Spray, and, very definitely, Two-Cycle Engine Exhaust. Ha! Glade probably wouldn’t sell a lot of that. So, how about it? What smell would remind you of winning, and possibilities, and a time when the world was safe and wide open? I hope they are easy for you to find and enjoy. Have a beautiful and memorable Father’s Day, remembering, knowing and appreciating. And if you happen to be a dad, never underestimate the impact of letting your children into your world. Even when they are not the focus of your attention, these are the times they learn to be winners. Thanks for letting me tag along, dad. I’ll never forget. ![]() Over the weekend, I ran across a tape series that I have from Carolyn Myss, and in this series, she talks about archetypes (labels that imply entire character sketches). Although this author can be a little “out there,” essentially Carolyn’s pictures are simply the language she uses to talk about the thoughts that so often govern our actions or steal our motivations. I could have applied archetypes to my writing, which I put-off more than I do, or clearing my house of clutter. I chose to focus on my physical health, first. For quite some months, my most authentic self has been saying, “I want to be in better shape, more ready to face the world with a strong body and mind.” I’ve really been trying to determine why, when I know I feel better when I take care of myself, I am not motivated to do it. So, I listened to my thoughts just after I said, “I am going to eat better and walk every day.” Almost immediately, my inner Child said, “Ok. But can we have candy first? I’ve been very good, today and I know where there is a Payday bar with your name on it!” And my Saboteur said, “You know you want this bag of Doritos. Why don’t you just go for a walk after you eat this bag of Doritos,” negotiating road blocks into my path. And my Victim spoke out and said, “You had a really hard day at work, today. And people have been mean to you. You really deserve to check out the new Five Guys burger place. Delicious!” And then, my inner Prostitute said, “It’s totally worth trading your self-esteem for food. How much damage can one little quesadilla do? I’m hungry. And a girl’s gotta’ eat.” Normally, any one of those reasons would have allowed me to cheerfully reach for a snack and nestle into the sofa. Yesterday and today, however, I said to my Child, “Yes, you have been a very good girl, so I’m going to go out and play with you.” Then I went for a walk. And to my saboteur I said, “I might like that bag of Doritos, but I’ll decide after my walk,” after which I was pleased to find I didn’t feel a bit like eating a bag of Doritos. And to my victim I said, “You’re right. I have been mistreated, today, so now I will make my own decisions.” I decided that I need a strong, healthy body to pursue my real dreams. And to my prostitute I said, “No. We don’t have to compromise, today. We’ll eat a delicious meal after the walk, and won’t have to trade anything, at all.” It’s interesting to me, to recognize all of the parts of me weighing-in on my decisions. Not just in the area of exercise, but in all areas of my life. My list of excuses is extensive and always at the ready. In Christianity, we call it human frailty or sin. Flip Wilson famously claimed, “The Devil made me do it!” Carolyn calls it archetypes. Either way, I have to say that it feels pretty great to be in charge, for once, standing up to all my excuses and saying, “Yeah. That’s a good thought, but it’s not holding water, today. Let’s move on with reckless abandon toward living my dreams, instead.” ![]() A Note of Gratitude I had the pleasure this weekend of helping to conduct a seminar in North Carolina. It was a wonderful experience where I was able to work with a good friend of mine and also make a lot of new friends. For me, one of the best byproducts of doing one of these seminars is that it forces me to re-evaluate myself and my own conduct in relation to what I know to be true. Preparing to speak on the subject of joy, hope, faith and love required me over the last few weeks to spend time both analyzing how I experience those states of being in my own life, and also finding a way to articulate how I reconnect to and engage them when they are buried under the business of my daily activities. It is no small thing that this room full of new friends afforded me the opportunity for this self-examination by inviting me to speak, and I am overcome with gratitude. Here are three ultimate truths that have been put back into my conscious mind, since I started preparing a few weeks ago:
I think these things are difficult to remember when life feels as disheveled and scattered as an overturned applecart, but I think they are equally hard to remember when life is just plain busy. Thank you, my new friends, for reminding me that all is well, that whatever busy-ness and stress occurred from preparing over the last several weeks was worth every minute, and for being that ‘behind the scenes’ blessing God had in store for me, all along! And thank you, too, to my veteran friends who have worked with me and helped me discover these truths, not just these last couple of weeks, but over a lifetime. I hope that, whatever challenges you face this week, you are able to bring these truths to your own consciousness, find evidence that they are true in your own life, and use them to reconnect you to your joy. Have a beautiful June! ![]() Have you seen the “You’re Doing Ok Mom,” Johnsons Baby commercial? I love it! (Click Here to Watch) There really should be one for moms of older kids, too, like one that I should have written when I was in middle school, which might have gone like this: … I can call you mom, right? I mean, you’re not still mad about that whole screaming and slamming my door thing, are you? I know we’ve known each other about thirteen years now, and I think I know everything, and I hate everything that comes out of your mouth, but you seem like a real keeper. You’re not perfect, (there was that whole not-letting-me-get-my-ears-pierced thing), but you’re trying. You ask me if I’m ok when I’m sulking, even though you know I’m going to say, “I’m fine, leave me alone!” and that’s highly important to a thirteen year old. You hum while we’re doing chores together and pretend you don’t notice that I’m acting like a brat, slamming things around as if I’m very put out to have to pick up my own socks. So cool. And when I’m laying face down on my bed, crying about the ‘mean girls’or my latest boyfriend fiasco, the way you rub my head and tell me it will be ok is out of this world. Anyway, I want you to know how much I appreciate you. You know, right, how much I love you? You’re doing ok, mom. Or, maybe there should be one for now: … I am so glad I get to call you my mom. We’ve known each other over 40 years now, and you are definitely a keeper. I’m not perfect, but am closer to that because of everything you’ve taught me over the years. And I’m going to keep trying (to be more like you). You pick me up when I’m feeling less than great about myself. That’s the high art of comfort only a mother could provide. You hum to the radio when we’re in the car together. So cool. And your hugs are out of this world. Anyway, I want you to know how much I appreciate you. You know, right, how much I love you? You’re doing ok, mom. Whatever our age, do we ever really outgrow our mothers? And when we're not fortunate to have them with us, anymore, we'll still hear their voices and feel their comfort, and they'll still be doing ok, because everything a mother invests in being the best mom, ever, just never goes away. Whether you are a brand new mother or the mother of a long-since grown adult, Happy Mother’s Day! |
ShellyWhether I am experiencing my life as a nurse, leader, teacher, manager, wife, daughter, friend or something else, I believe that my gift has been my ability to sort through the noise of emotions and circumstances and find joy in all things. It is my purpose to use that ability to help others realize their own strengths, successes, gifts and passions. This is how I want to spend my life. Subscribe
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