I just came from a small church service where the worship team was made of only 6 people. As I was singing along to the first song, I was thinking to myself that the music was lovely, but nothing that I would characterize as spectacular. About the time that thought crossed my mind, I became aware of the most beautiful sound. One of the 6 musicians was sitting at the back of the stage, looking down, sitting on a stool, and playing bass. Now the baseline of any song is pretty important, but not very often so amazing that people become known for playing it. Nonetheless, sometimes a bass player is allowed to “riff,” and lay overtop of all the other instruments a lithe, melodic interpretation that highlights that players talent. This was one of those moments, but with none of the fanfare of a typical solo spot. In fact, most of the crowd seemed not to even notice his “solo.”

When I looked back at the musician playing it, I noticed that he sat, himself unmoved, not showboating, not gloating, just working with that bass guitar, as if he were practicing in his own room, not "performing" at all. When he finished this piece, he went back to playing his more hidden rhythm line, but something had changed. All of players in the group now sounded more cohesive, the two singers more bold, the lead guitar more elegant, the keyboard more graceful, the drums more dynamic. The quality of the music had been elevated, though I doubt anyone playing was conscious of the change. Now, the music truly was spectacular.

What I love most about Nashville is what I think we all love about American Idol, or The Voice, or X-Factor: among the ordinary can be found the extraordinary, virtually hidden, in any given corner. I believe that one of the reasons we are so drawn to the concept of finding “diamonds” amidst all of the other “lumps of coal,” is because we intuitively know that we, each of us, have some hidden, extraordinary talent, just waiting to be discovered. But what if it never is (officially speaking, I mean)?

Some of us go through our days never hearing, “Thank you,” never being recognized for a job well done, and barely even looking up to see if the crowd is paying attention. Yet, our talent, our level of excellence, elevates the work of those around us. We provide support, without even knowing it, by creating an atmosphere where others can shine. We provide the baseline and enjoin our teams simply by doing what we do, to the best of our ability.

I am convinced that any one of those musicians playing could have had that effect on the group, and, no doubt, have done so, at one time or another. Today, I happened to witness it in the bass player, but the truth is that at any time, any one individual can offer his or her talent in such a way as to “raise the bar” for everyone. When any of us do our jobs well simply for the love of the work, or improve ourselves through study or experience, or even just get the proper amount of rest, we set the example for all of us. More importantly, seeing someone excel gives us permission to elevate our own relationships, our own practice, our own self-care, by opening the door to excellence.

You may never be called to the front of the stage, or given an award, or applauded, but I assure you, you do have influence. Please keep sharing with us your talents, however hidden or undiscovered you may feel they are, and know that you are helping to create the spectacular. And, in case you don’t hear it anywhere else this week, Thank You! You inspire me.   

Hearing of yet another tragic end to an amazing talent, Whitney Houston, made me wonder: what in the world is so attractive about being famous? Theories abound. Tucker Max, author of, “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell,” states that he believes that fame is our society’s most important indicator of power.[1] Dr. Donna Rockwell, clinical psychologist, suggests that fame is, psychologically speaking, parallel in nearly every way to drug and substance addiction.[2] Presumably, then, the allure of fame is the same as the allure of any drug… I want to feel better, stronger, happier, or, yes, more powerful. Dr. Thomas Plant posits that perhaps our own fear of death and the potential lack of relevance of our lives drive our desire to be known, and thus, to matter in some way to the world.[3]

I think, since I came to Nashville with the hope of being famous, that they are all correct. At some point in my life, having felt powerless and unhappy for long enough, I thought fame would solve my problems. I was drawn to the idea of having people smile at me, wanting to be near me, wanting to hear what I had to say (or sing). I would make friends with the world. And I would have the kind of power that would allow me to request everything from my most idiosyncratic preferences (like J. Lo’s request for Heliotrope scented candles in her dressing rooms), to the most generous of donations (when I would make guest appearances on the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon, of course). Finally, because I knew how short life could be, fame would help to ensure I would not be forgotten.

One characteristic about fame that I want to address, however, is that it’s very subjective. In Nashville, for example, we who care about writing songs all know the name Dave Berg. Unless you are an aficionado of country music, however, the kind that scans CD covers for absolutely every bit of information, you probably don’t know or care that he’s written hits like, “If You’re Going Thru Hell,” “Stupid Boy,” or “What Kind of Gone.” Sure, there are those people who have become world renowned, but most fame is more localized, and often fleeting.

While this might seem like a bad thing, it’s actually one of the best things. If you are looking for fame, that is to say, if you are looking to matter to this world, then remember that your world is exactly that, yours. To someone, you are the most powerful, most liked, most well-known in your field. (Haven’t you ever heard a child ask a complete stranger, “Do you know my dad?” As far as that child is concerned, his dad is famous!) Today, redefine “famous,” to mean having or knowing something that allows you to be heard, makes you feel good, and allows you to realize that you matter. Think of those people who listen when you speak, enjoy when you feel happy, and miss you when they are not with you. To them, you are a Super Star. 

[1] Interview with S. Kauffman, Psychology Today, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beautiful-minds/201107/conversations-creativity-tucker-max.

[2] Rockwell, D. & Giles, D.C. (2009). Being a Celebrity: A phenomenology of fame, Journal of Phenomenological Psychology (40) 178-210.

[3] Plant, T. (2011). Could death anxiety be behind our quest for fame? Psychology Today. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/do-the-right-thing/201102/could-death-anxiety-be-behind-our-quest-fame

Resources: Part 4 – Health

When it comes to my physical health, proper diet and exercise, I struggle. It’s not the lack of knowing what to do. Essentially, maintaining physical health boils down to three things: physical activity, nutrition, and proper rest. The rest part I get. What about activity and nutrition? I know I should walk and stretch and run and play. I know I should eat fresh produce and lean protein sources. I don’t. and I don’t know why it feels so difficult to me. As for Health Resources then, I can only tell you some of the things that periodically help me stay on track, admit to you that I struggle, and ask you to also share your resources with me.

First, let me start by saying that I absolutely relate to Elizabeth Gilbert’s summary of her relationship to calories. Enjoy this "Eat, Pray, Love "clip (click here) for a little perspective. (In case you are a man reading this, just know that no woman will “ask you to leave” either.) As it turns out, we are really the only ones cruelly measuring ourselves against Victoria’s Secret and Guess jean models. If I had a friend who talked to me the way I talk to myself when I look in the mirror after my shower, I’d ditch her and eat an entire pint of Haagen Dazs in protest.

Next, I like this quote by nutritionist Adele Davis: “Every day, you do one of two things: build health or produce disease in yourself.” I have aced college courses on anatomy and physiology, pharmacokinetics, and nutrition. You would think I would have known this. For some reason, though, the statement Ms. Davis makes is so inflexible that it immediately changed how I viewed my responsibility to my own health. I lived on the premise that I was either doing something good for me, or I wasn’t. I had never thought, until reading this, “I’m either doing something that is good for me, or I am actively producing disease. There is no neutral.” 

I also like the incredible book series, “Eat This, Not That,” (Zinczenko & Goulding). If you haven’t seen these books, find them! The authors have investigated fast food restaurants, children’s favorites, the frozen food isle, even our own cupboards, to help direct us to the “best” food choices. These books are of the, “If you are going to eat a burger and fries (which you know, at some point, I am going to do), eat THIS burger and fries,” variety. Accept my own preferences, and make better choices. Brilliant!

My last resource, but perhaps the most powerful, is a lesson in treating the whole mind, body and spirit with care and respect. Carolyn Myss’s, “Anatomy of the Spirit,” (click here) can be a pretty heavy exploration into metaphysical concepts like chakras and archetypes, so they’re not for everyone. However, if you can relate on any level to the phrase, “You are what you think,” then her work, founded on years of study and research, shouldn’t be missed.    

I am absolutely positive that my continuing to Live in Joy will be easier with the aid of a healthy, strong and flexible body. These resources help me, but they haven’t yet made me jump out of bed when my alarm sounds at 5am and rush to the gym. If any of you have solutions or things that motivate you, please do share. And, as always, have a wonderful, healthful week!  

Finding Your Strengths

It hardly seems possible that Thanksgiving is this week! I really feel like it should still be September. What I know about Thanksgiving is that, as the holiday season comes upon us, time will only move faster. The time between now and the end of the year is going to fly past me, in a flurry of “get ready for’s” and “enjoy the moments.” Because of the speed at which 2012 is rocketing toward us, I thought it might be fun to spend the next few weeks offering you some of the most impactful and valuable resources I have found for finding joy regardless of circumstance. I will be sharing my current favorite resources in our seven major life areas: Career, Relationship, Home, Health, Finance, Spirituality and Community, in the hope that you will enter 2012 well-armed with some support you may not have had in the past. My desire is that these resources will help you, as they have helped me, remain connected to your joy throughout the year.  

This week, I am starting with Career. I want to share with you a book by Tom Rath, called “Strengths Finder 2.0.” Tom discusses that we have been a culture that focuses largely on “well-rounded” knowledge bases and behavior, but that, in focusing our efforts in that way, we miss the benefits of our individual differences. One of the reasons, for example, that we may remain frustrated in our jobs or focused on our negative outcomes instead of celebrating our achievements, is because we think we should be “Straight A’s” across the board. If, in contrast, we would concentrate more on perfecting our own specialties, we could experience more fulfillment (doing what we love in an area wherein we excel) and be more valuable (becoming true experts in our own specialties).

While the concept of capitalizing on my strengths makes perfect sense to me, I’m not certain, anymore, what my true strengths are. It seems I have spent years trying to improve my areas of weakness. However, in order to envision my best-ever life in the interest of Living in Joy, then I need to know what the best experience of myself and my unique talents would entail. This is where Tom Rath enters. His book, “Strengths Finder 2.0” is an exploration, as the title suggests, of you and your strengths.  

I encourage you to go to www.strengthsfinder.com, read his concept, and take the quiz. As it turns out, of the 34 different strengths, my top five are: Positivity, Input, Futuristic, Empathy, and Achievement. Well… of course.  The best part of Strengths Finder is that Mr. Rath doesn’t just leave you with that. He actually provides action plans for your particular strengths, so that you can get the most out of the things that come naturally to you. Now, I can see how to work within those 5 strengths to create a career focus (inside of my current job title) that is completely fulfilling to me, while also meeting corporate goals. I can also see clearly where I need to ask for help or delegate, rather than struggling to learn more, do more, or work harder to make-up for my own deficits.

Whether 2012 is going to bring you a career change or you are just looking for a way to experience that deep pulse of joy throughout your current career workday, discovering your own strengths could be a great place to begin to make a shift in your area of focus. Here’s to the best career experience you can imagine! Please post your own strengths here, if you feel like it. You never know who might be reading and need exactly the strength you possess. Enjoy your career.

_Does anyone out there read “Bon Appetit” magazine? It’s one of my favorites! It has articles on setting-up the perfect kitchen, new gadgets, grilling techniques, and, of course, recipes. When I got my November issue, I was not surprised to see a turkey on the front cover. Naturally, in this season of giving thanks, this premier food magazine has to investigate the greatest food celebration of the year: the Thanksgiving Dinner. I couldn’t be more delighted!

I should mention that, over the years that I’ve been getting this magazine, I rarely try the recipes. Generally, recipes for things like Cumin-Scented Quinoa and Black Rice stray a bit too far from my mid-western food sensibilities. I like imagining the people who do cook these recipes, though, and I think they must be very cosmopolitan, probably in high-rise condos with grand views of the city, beautiful, Jenn-Air equipped kitchens with chefs knives, and pots of every size at their fingertips. I can just see them stopping at little Asian markets and Italian delis on their way home from their very exciting jobs, to get the ingredients for these “Bon Appetit” concoctions. And I’m a little enamored by the idea.

This month, I knew I'd flip through the pages of my magazine and find new, improved ways to twist my old favorites, though I probably wouldn't try any of them. Tandori-Spiced Roast Turkey, Crawfish Gravy, and Wild Rice, Fruit and Pecan Stuffing were just some of the recipes featured near the back of the magazine. What surprised me, though, was the first half of the issue, which is always where the “how-to’s” and best kitchen advice are shared. This month, they addressed how to make the perfect mashed potatoes and gravy.

When I started reading, I have to admit that I was thinking, “Ok. Good! How can I improve my methods and make this year’s mashed potatoes the fluffiest and creamiest, ever?” Cut peeled potatoes into 2” pieces. Cover in cold water. Gently simmer. Mash. Add cream. Add salt. (Tyme, basil and rosemary: optional). Add butter. As for the gravy? Start with a rue of butter and flour. Add stock.

What?! My mother’s time-honored traditions, what I think of as “plain-old cooking,” in print? In a fancy, fussy, food magazine, and accompanied by some of the most delectable photos of all time! It made me smile. And I was proud to know that I had been taught the best possible way to make mashed potatoes and gravy, at least according to the very picky editors of “Bon Appetite.” I wondered if there would be people in the city, in their high rise condos, reading these recipes and imagining me, this time… cooking in my none-too-well-decorated kitchen, on my electric stove, with my one wooden spoon and my two worn and dulled paring knives, after having stopped at the Kroger for my sack of potatoes. And I imagined they would be just a little enamored of my simple traditions and plain-old, home-style cooking.

I guess it’s just one more lesson in being grateful for what I have. So, this Thanksgiving, I’m going to make a point to look for all of those things I think are so simple, or so mundane that I take them for granted. And when I find them, I’m going to say a special prayer of thanks, because my life would not be the same, and I would not be the same, if they hadn’t become part of my “plain-old life.” And then I’m going to add Candied Mandarin Oranges with Cranberries to my Thanksgiving menu, just for good measure.