​The other day was a day I woke-up just feeling “off.” I had planned for weeks to speak at a conference and while traveling to it, my event was cancelled. In the moment, I thought, “Ok, no problem. I’ll just spend this time I had set aside productively, doing something else.” I turned around and headed home. But the next morning, when I got out of bed, I felt disoriented and disjoined from my priorities, and I wasn’t sure what it was, exactly, I was supposed to be doing with my day.
 
I suppose this is a common, human reaction. When something we planned for awhile doesn’t pan out, it can feel difficult to spring back and organize around a “new” state or situation. I’m not necessarily speaking of something huge and life-changing… a death in the family, the cancellation of a wedding, a suddenly lost job… This is more about changes that others might shrug-off or see as relatively inconsequential. Or even that you, under different circumstances, time of day, or moment of your life might see as relatively inconsequential.
 
Why is it that sometimes, a change in plans, however large or small, seems like nothing, “Shift gears, and go with it!”? While other times, it feels bigger, more challenging, “Wait. What?!” The fact is, we may never know exactly, but circadian rhythms, hormonal balances, last night’s nutrition, or any number of things might play a part. In any case, it’s not as important to determine precisely why it happens as  it is to recognize what can be helpful to do next.
 
One of the biggest mistakes I make is holding myself accountable to adjust immediately, at all times. While as a nurse this is an important skill to learn, (and likely is expected of ALL of us, regardless of our professions… a.k.a. “flexibility”) it’s important that we do not allow this to be the “every-situation” expectation. Reacting immediately, without giving ourselves time to settle into a new plan, can activate our stress reflex and stand directly in the way of living joyfully.
 
How can we cultivate relaxing into a change, letting the feelings come, get acknowledged, and then go, instead? This kind of emotional awareness, where our reflex becomes getting curious about what we’re actually feeling as a result of the change (discouraged, confused, frustrated, nervous, relieved…?), letting that emotion bring its message and get acknowledged by us, internally, allows it to safely move on. Those feelings caused by change ebbing into us and flowing back out leaves us with clearer minds. We’re then more able to process the next assignment, challenge, or priority.
 
The day of my previously scheduled conference, I’m honored that. I sipped my coffee and pondered how I was feeling. I acknowledged my disappointment. I’m honored all the preparation that went into the event, and felt gratitude for those who planned, and now needed to replan, the entire thing. I took deep, cleansing breaths and enjoyed a healthy (non-airport) breakfast. And when I was ready, I started to think about the things I might like to do with my extra, unexpected free time.
 
When was the last, unexpected change that you experienced? How did you respond to it? What do you most need, when things change? And how can  you make a commitment to honor that in yourself in the future?

​Does anyone play “Wordle?” It’s a game on the New York Times gaming app where you guess a 5-letter word, then receive feedback on whether some or all of your letters are correct. You then adjust your guess, until you guess the word of the day.
 
What I’ve noticed is that, for me, if I get none of the letters, it’s much easier to solve the puzzle than if I get many of the letters (but out of order) on the first or second try. There’s something about knowing what absolutely does not work that is very helpful. By failing in a spectacular way, it’s much easier to see what not to do. And lo and behold, with that narrowed playing field, my next move is more obvious.
 
Thomas Edison, when working on the incandescent light bulb, quite famously recognizes this same thing when he is reported to have assured his discouraged assistant that they had, “…learned for certainty that the thing could not be done that way, and we would have to try some other way.”
 
Why is it then, that when things go quite wrong, we sulk, suffer, pout, blame, and feel defeated? We may give-up. We may feel like a victim of circumstance, our partners, the economy, or the system. Or we may feel less-than… incapable, unworthy, or talentless. And why do we hold others in such treacherous space when they fail? Without the encouragement, help in reflecting on what did not work, and confidence that can be found in not giving-up on the person, how will they ever hope to see the gift of clarity that failure can bring?
 
I believe we have choked out more creativity, joy and passion through “holding each other accountable,” than we can fathom, largely because that phrase has come to mean, to some, “cataloging each other’s failures”.

In contrast, I’ve heard great leaders say, “Fail quickly and change direction thoughtfully. You have my full support, as many times as it takes.”
 
Can we say that to others? Can we say that to ourselves?
 
The next time you fail at something, especially if you fail spectacularly and entirely, celebrate that you have just eliminated some of the wrong directions. And just like in Wordle, once you do that, your next move may be more obvious.